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Reading Luke 18:29 hit my heart today:

And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.”

I have said yes, and will continue to say yes, to wherever God sends me. For the past ten years, since I first left my hometown of Bangka Belitung, Indonesia, God has led me to live in various places: Australia for two years, China for a year and a half, Bali for six months, Malang for two months, Baltimore for four years, and now NYC, where I’ve been for about two months.

In Australia, I gave my life to Jesus. Then I went to China for my undergraduate studies, where I formed close friendships with two brothers from Zimbabwe. We went to a local church together on Sundays and met throughout the week for Bible study, fellowship, and worship. Eventually, we became part of the planting team of an English-service church. The last time I reached out to one of these brothers, I learned that he had become a preacher in China and that God had grown the church to three branches. All glory to Him alone!

In Malang, I stayed with a Spirit-filled Christian auntie for two months, and she greatly encouraged me in my walk with God. In Baltimore, I became involved in the Graduate Christian Fellowship chapter of InterVarsity on my campus. God blessed me with fellow laborers in Christ who challenged me to grow in my faith, as iron sharpens iron, and with many brothers and sisters who made Baltimore feel like home.

Here’s my Baltimore community at a Lunar New Year celebration I hosted!

And now, in NYC, God has already brought Christians into my life who make me pray that He would let me stay here for some time.

I can testify that I have received many times more, even in this life. In each place, God has given me far more than I could have imagined. The family I have found in Christ is worth more than silver and gold.

Jesus Himself said in Mark 3:34–35:

“Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”

Yet as precious as these communities are, the greatest gift is knowing Christ Himself. I would rather be at His feet than anywhere else.

I feel like a liar. It is so easy for me to say, “I love You, God.” In fact, I have been listening to a song titled I Love You Lord on repeat for the past few months. And yet, the Bible says that if I love God, I will keep His commandments (John 14:15). When I look at my own life, I have to confront myself with these questions: Am I sincerely seeking to obey His commands? What is my relationship with His Word? Am I seeking His wisdom and putting it into practice?

When I love someone, I love spending time with them. If I am to love God as He deserves to be loved, with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, allowing no other idols to rival Him, should I not also long to spend time in His presence above all else? Do I spend more time communing with God each day, or scrolling on my phone? I was meditating on Psalm 63, and it grieved my heart to realize how little I seem to thirst for God as David, a man after God’s own heart, did. Do I seek Him earnestly, with my whole being, longing for Him? Can it be said that I love Him so deeply that His steadfast love is better than life itself? When I lie in bed, is He the last thought on my mind? Am I clinging to Him as I ought to?

Oh, wicked heart! It grieves me that Scripture has revealed how little I love God. Now that I have been pondering this, how can I ever again say, “I love You, God,” lightly, without feeling like a liar?

May God continue to teach me what it means to love Him and draw my heart closer to His. May “I love You, God” be more than words on my lips, but be reflected in how I pursue and obey Him.

I have been meditating on the parable of the rich fool in Luke 12:

“The land of a rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.”’ But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”

Just before telling this parable, Jesus said:

“Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

One of the most life-changing talks I attended was at the Urbana conference in Phoenix, Arizona, in 2025. The speakers were a couple who run a construction company that has been richly blessed. One of the most striking decisions they made was to pay themselves only a salary comparable to that of a college teacher, choosing to live humbly even though they could certainly afford a lavish lifestyle.

Their decision was not always understood by others, including those closest to them. The husband shared that he had even been labeled neglectful toward his family. In a way, I can understand why people might think that. If you know someone who runs a highly successful business, shouldn’t that success be reflected in their lifestyle? Shouldn’t they upgrade their home to a mansion or perhaps even buy a private jet?

Yet their purpose in running the business was to support missionaries. They had dedicated a substantial portion of their profits to mission work. If I remember correctly, the company had contributed hundreds of millions of dollars toward advancing God’s kingdom.

Hearing their story made me reflect on how I might want to approach money if God were to bless me with abundant wealth in the future. I hope to follow in their footsteps by living on a modest, middle-income salary, regardless of how much I might earn, and giving the abundance to advance God’s kingdom. Perhaps, one day, that might mean helping to build Christian schools and orphanages.

At the same time, I know that it is one thing to think about these things and another to live them out when faced with the temptations that wealth might bring. I pray that God will continue to guard my heart, keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, and remind me that my life does not consist in the abundance of what I possess. May He keep me from becoming too attached to this life.

Note: I’ve been trying to remember the couple’s names, but I just can’t seem to recall them. I couldn’t find their seminar listed on the Urbana website either. Hopefully, I’ll come across their story again someday!

At one point in my life, my idea of an ideal life was to live all by myself in the middle of the jungle. I worked through this with a therapist over multiple sessions, but what really stuck with me was her reminder that even Jesus had 12 disciples! We are never meant to be lone wolves. Funny enough, this wasn’t Christian counseling, and I don’t know whether my therapist had any religious affiliation. I did mention to her at the beginning that my Christian faith plays a big role in my life, though. And praise God! He is sovereign, and He used my therapist to speak to me.

However, even when I was tempted to withdraw and live in seclusion, I did not appear antisocial at all. If anything, I have always been known as a connector, someone who introduces people to each other and brings people together through involvement in various communities and social groups. Even back then, I was known as the person who seemed to know everyone.

Yet despite knowing so many people, I wasn’t satisfied with my friendships. I felt that most people only knew me superficially. To top it all, I also approached friendships more transactionally. Looking back, I realize that I often thought about what I could gain from friendships and communities rather than what I could contribute to them.

But God has changed my heart. I now see friendships as opportunities to extend God’s love to others. In my individual interactions, I find myself asking questions like, What can I bring into this friendship? How can I better encourage this friend? And when it comes to being part of a community, instead of asking myself what I can gain from it, I now ask myself, What can I give to this community?

So, what changed in the way I approached relationships? Pride.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that receiving from our friendships and communities is unimportant. In fact, that is another area where I have had to confront my pride. I have realized that it takes humility to be willing to receive. It takes humility to ask for help. It takes humility to be vulnerable and ask others to pray for you.

Pride, on the other hand, keeps us from receiving. It does not want us to give other people the opportunity to serve us. Instead, it encourages us to feel good about ourselves for always being the one who gives, for being the person others can rely on, and for not needing anything in return.

This reminds me of something Timothy Keller shared in his book The Meaning of Marriage about an interaction with his wife, Kathy. Although he was writing in the context of marriage, I think the principle applies to ordinary friendships, too.

And what is that gospel? It is that you are so lost and flawed, so sinful, that Jesus had to die for you, but you are also so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for you. Now you are fully accepted and delighted in by the Father, not because you deserve it but only by free grace. My reluctance to let Kathy serve me was, in the end, a refusal to live my life on the basis of grace. I wanted to earn everything. I wanted no one to give me any favors. I wanted to give undeserved gifts to others—so I could have satisfaction of thinking of myself as a magnanimous person—but I did not want to receive someone else’s service myself. My heart still operated like this even though my head had accepted the basic gospel thesis that through faith in Christ we live by God’s grace alone.

That gospel message should both humble and lift the believer up at the same time. It teaches us that we are indeed self-centered sinners. It perforates our illusions about our goodness and superiority. But the gospel also fills us with more love and affirmation than we could ever imagine. It means we don’t need to earn our self-worth through incessant service and work. It means also that we don’t mind so much when we are deprived of some comfort, compliment, or reward. We don’t have to keep records and accounts anymore. We can freely give and freely receive.

What stood out to me in Keller’s reflection is the connection between receiving from others and living by grace. If learning to receive means learning to live on the basis of grace, then I pray that God will continue to humble me. I feel that God has been using this ongoing process of confronting my pride to teach me to seek the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24) and count others more significant than myself (Philippians 2:3), both in my individual interactions and in the communities I am part of. At the same time, He has been teaching me to receive from others with humility.

God has brought me from wanting to live alone in the jungle to learning to give and receive more freely. Before moving to NYC, I was nominated and elected to serve as the Social Committee Chair for my campus graduate InterVarsity chapter and as the Social Director of my research lab. I am grateful for the rich communities God has planted me in and for how He has helped me appreciate these relationships more than I used to. Rather than leaving me feeling burnt out, these friendships and communities have become sources of refreshment for my soul.

I have also come to realize that the transformation God works in us does not affect only us. As He changes how we relate to others, that change can also shape the dynamics of the communities we are part of for the better.

Ultimately, this transformation is not something I can take credit for. It is truly the work of His Spirit in me.

Earlier this week, my church small group talked about the things we appreciate more now than we used to. I shared two things with my group: health and community. If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you might have noticed that I’ve been reflecting quite a bit on the transformation of my desires. And so, I thought I’d share how I’ve experienced transformation in these two areas of my life as well.

I’ve lost around 20 pounds over the past year and a half. Most of the weight loss came from starting weightlifting and adopting a high-protein, lower-calorie meal prep routine. I typically aim to lift weights two to four times a week, even though I must admit that I haven’t always been consistent. There have been weeks when I didn’t lift at all and ate rather mindlessly. As a result, my progress has been a bit slower than I would have liked. Still, I’m grateful that feeling guilty whenever I fell off track didn’t stop me from trying again! And here I am, a year and a half later, still lifting weights and meal prepping. So, Adele 1, guilt 0.

For the past two weeks or so, I’ve also made it a goal to walk at least 10,000 steps every day. Out of 17 days, I missed my goal on three of them. That’s okay, though. I’m learning that what’s more important is to just keep going!

I’ll share more about the community part in my next post.

One change I have noticed in my desires is that I am no longer as interested in secular music as I used to be.

Mind you, I listen to a lot of music. I love music. I consistently listen to more than 2,000 minutes of music every week on Spotify alone. And I have found that you can never listen to too many gospel songs!

I have been adding songs to this playlist for about a year and a half, and I am still discovering new ones. It has now grown to over 50 hours of music!

Anyway, I thought I would share my playlist here. The songs are in order from oldest to newest, based on when I added them, so if you are ever curious about what I have been listening to lately, you can scroll to the bottom.

Let us sing praises and worship our God!

I prayed that God would not give me what I wanted.

Here’s why. I have realized that many of my desires were not rooted in a desire to glorify God. I wanted a job that would elevate my social status, something my family could proudly brag about. I wanted an easy life filled with material abundance. I wanted a future partner who was capable enough not to need much from me, someone who would support me in doing whatever I wanted to do in life.

However, I have been convicted that getting everything my heart wants would not necessarily be a sign of God’s blessing.

Romans 1:28 says:

“And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.”

Based on this verse, I have come to realize that getting exactly what we, as human beings with a sinful nature, want can sometimes be a form of judgment. Hence, my prayer is that God would not give me over to the desires of my flesh, but instead transform my heart so that I would desire what He desires.

It has been a process, and I can see how my heart has been undergoing transformation. Many things I used to desire, I no longer desire. In fact, the changes have been so striking that I have been humbled to acknowledge that I indeed do not even know what I truly need or what is best for me. Only God does.

I also remember the suffering and trials I have gone through, as well as those I am still going through, that have been part of this transformation. The process has been fierce. The desires of my flesh are at war with the desires of the Spirit, and I can feel that struggle within me.

My deepest desire is to be conformed to the image of Christ, even though my flesh does not always desire it. I pray that God would continue to prune, break, melt, and refine me to become more like Jesus. Even when my flesh groans, I pray that He would continue His work in me and give me the faith to endure.

I must admit that I did not always have this understanding. There have been times in my life when I was going through such intense suffering that I asked God why He allowed me to experience it. However, looking back, I can see how He has used my suffering to help me grow in Christlikeness. There may be other reasons for the suffering I have experienced, and I may never know them. However, do I really need to know them? What matters is that I am being shaped into the image of Christ.

Romans 8:28-29 says:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

Truly, what could be a greater good than being conformed to the image of His Son?

I have come to trust that God can use anything and everything in my life to conform me to the image of Christ, including circumstances I do not even understand. I now believe that my transformation into the likeness of Jesus matters more than any earthly achievement or ambition. And that helps me not to overcomplicate things.

I echo what Paul Washer said in one of his sermons: “God doesn’t care about your ministry as much as He cares about your conformity to the image of Christ.” If you have read my post, The Goal Is to Love God, I think the two reflections connect with each other.

I don’t need to overthink every detail of God’s will for my life or figure out every step of the way ahead of time. I trust that He is directing my steps, whether I realize it or not. This does not mean I should stop seeking wisdom or discerning what is pleasing to Him! Rather, what I ought to focus on is simply being faithful with what He has placed before me and seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness above all else.

I also don’t need to overthink why every particular thing happens in my life. I will never understand everything, but I trust God’s wisdom and sovereignty. I trust Him to work through my circumstances according to His purposes and to continue shaping me into the image of Christ. And I trust that as I become more like Christ, I will also grow in my love for God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. After all, Jesus Himself kept His Father’s commandments and abided in His love (John 15:10).

Therefore, perhaps the most important questions to ask myself at the end of each day are these: Am I being conformed to the image of Christ? Am I becoming more like Jesus today?

I lost one of my Bibles.

My other Bibles mostly stay at home, but this compact Bible has traveled with me everywhere: on adventures around the globe, to work, on walks, and everywhere in between. It fits perfectly in my fanny pack. I’ve had it for a couple of years, and it has accumulated more notes and highlights than any of my other Bibles. It even has a fun sticker of Jesus holding boba on the cover.

I think I left it at church last Sunday. But strangely enough, I am not particularly bothered by it. I could rush back and try to find it, but I don’t feel the need to. If I find it again this coming Sunday, sure. If I don’t, I don’t mind.

I think the Bible is the only thing I own that I would happily lose.

I don’t mean losing it in the sense of it being accidentally thrown into the ocean or something. I would be sad if that happened. However, I would be delighted if someone else found it, flipped through it, read it, or even took it home and made it their own.

If its pages lead someone to Jesus, I would, without a doubt, be grateful that I lost it.

An important lesson I learned today is that having authority is supposed to cost me, not benefit me.

Luke 12:48 says:

“Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”

The lesson came from a sermon that I listened to on my walk today titled The Child’s Responsibility to the Parents by Paul Washer. Here is a direct quotation of what he shared:

You know, anytime I teach on authority or I teach on something like submission, whether it be a wife honoring her husband or children honoring their parents, it’s a frightening thing to teach on it. Why? Well, this is the reason. I have met in my life so many self-centered, power-hungry, legalistic husbands and fathers who love to use these types of teachings in order just to literally enslave their wives and children and their spirit, their heart, everything about them is totally contrary, totally contrary to the lordship of Jesus Christ, his compassion, his love, his mercy.

When we talk about, you know, a certain person should submit to another person and that some persons have been given authority, those who have been given authority ought to have great fear because to whom much is given, much is required. If you have been given a wife, know that she is a daughter of God and God will deal with you one day. If you have been harsh with her, if you have used her for your own promotion, God will deal with you.

And know this, if you’re a father, your children are to obey you. But if you have been harsh, manipulative, coercive, managing everything in your home just by sheer power, God will deal with you one day and you need to be afraid. Repent now.

Reconcile yourself with your enemy before you go to court because you will not get out of there until you’ve paid the very last cent. Those who have authority of any kind, whether it’s in the family, in the church, they ought to exercise that authority like a servant. That authority ought to cost them and not benefit them.

How is this relevant to my life? Throughout my life, I have been entrusted to lead in various capacities. This serves as a reminder for me to exercise any authority given to me with great fear, like a servant. I myself am under the authority of Jesus Christ, and I submit myself to God. I will have to one day give an account of everything and everyone He has entrusted to me.

One of the things I am anticipating in my life that also induces much apprehension is the thought of having kids in the future. I do not take this lightly in the slightest. Like, hey, my future kids are daughters and sons of God too! Yes, I will have authority over them as a mother, but I have learned that this authority is supposed to be a costly responsibility. They are children of God just as much as I am, and one day, I will have to give an account before God, before His throne, for how I use the authority He gives me over them. That is honestly a weighty thought.

I have a lot to learn here. May God prepare me for the responsibility of motherhood and continually remind me that the authority He gives me is meant to cost me, not benefit me. May He make me the kind of mother who is willing to sacrifice for her children. And most importantly, may I, by the power of the Holy Spirit, faithfully point my future children to Jesus.

Sunday’s sermon was about having an eternal perspective, and the preacher mentioned the practice of writing an eulogy. I thought it could be a meaningful exercise to help me live more missionally, with eternity in mind. I want to number my days, weigh my decisions carefully, and fix my eyes on Jesus, as Pastor Sam Gibson encouraged us to do.

Psalm 90:12 says:

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

Then I remembered that I had actually written something back in January. It’s not a comprehensive eulogy, but it contains some thoughts about how I would want my physical remains to be handled and, more importantly, how I would want people to honor the legacy I leave behind:

If one day I die, cremate me and throw my ashes in a trash can. Bury me in the cheapest possible grave, one that does not ask you for money year after year, or place me in a mass grave. Do not buy me a headstone. Do not carve my name in a stone. Do not seal my body in a coffin as if it needed protection. Throw my body into the ocean, or feed me to the animals, or let those medical schools split open my skull and gorge my eyeballs. This body is nothing; it will all become dust in the end. I want to be forgotten. Do not build a memorial for me. Do not try to preserve me. I do not want to be remembered, except for the grace of God in my life.

But what about the people who will miss you, you might ask. Where will they go if they want a place to honor you?

Let me say this.

If you miss me enough to want to keep a memorial of me, then let us meet again.

Let us have our reunion in Heaven. We will see each other again if you put your faith in Jesus.

And that, not a grave, not a marker, will be the best way to honor my legacy.