I prayed that God would not give me what I wanted.
Here’s why. I have realized that many of my desires were not rooted in a desire to glorify God. I wanted a job that would elevate my social status, something my family could proudly brag about. I wanted an easy life filled with material abundance. I wanted a future partner who was capable enough not to need much from me, someone who would support me in doing whatever I wanted to do in life.
However, I have been convicted that getting everything my heart wants would not necessarily be a sign of God’s blessing.
Romans 1:28 says:
“And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.”
Based on this verse, I have come to realize that getting exactly what we, as human beings with a sinful nature, want can sometimes be a form of judgment. Hence, my prayer is that God would not give me over to the desires of my flesh, but instead transform my heart so that I would desire what He desires.
It has been a process, and I can see how my heart has been undergoing transformation. Many things I used to desire, I no longer desire. In fact, the changes have been so striking that I have been humbled to acknowledge that I indeed do not even know what I truly need or what is best for me. Only God does.
I also remember the suffering and trials I have gone through, as well as those I am still going through, that have been part of this transformation. The process has been fierce. The desires of my flesh are at war with the desires of the Spirit, and I can feel that struggle within me.
My deepest desire is to be conformed to the image of Christ, even though my flesh does not always desire it. I pray that God would continue to prune, break, melt, and refine me to become more like Jesus. Even when my flesh groans, I pray that He would continue His work in me and give me the faith to endure.
I must admit that I did not always have this understanding. There have been times in my life when I was going through such intense suffering that I asked God why He allowed me to experience it. However, looking back, I can see how He has used my suffering to help me grow in Christlikeness. There may be other reasons for the suffering I have experienced, and I may never know them. However, do I really need to know them? What matters is that I am being shaped into the image of Christ.
Romans 8:28-29 says:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”
Truly, what could be a greater good than being conformed to the image of His Son?
I have come to trust that God can use anything and everything in my life to conform me to the image of Christ, including circumstances I do not even understand. I now believe that my transformation into the likeness of Jesus matters more than any earthly achievement or ambition. And that helps me not to overcomplicate things.
I echo what Paul Washer said in one of his sermons: “God doesn’t care about your ministry as much as He cares about your conformity to the image of Christ.” If you have read my post, The Goal Is to Love God, I think the two reflections connect with each other.
I don’t need to overthink every detail of God’s will for my life or figure out every step of the way ahead of time. I trust that He is directing my steps, whether I realize it or not. This does not mean I should stop seeking wisdom or discerning what is pleasing to Him! Rather, what I ought to focus on is simply being faithful with what He has placed before me and seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness above all else.
I also don’t need to overthink why every particular thing happens in my life. I will never understand everything, but I trust God’s wisdom and sovereignty. I trust Him to work through my circumstances according to His purposes and to continue shaping me into the image of Christ. And I trust that as I become more like Christ, I will also grow in my love for God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. After all, Jesus Himself kept His Father’s commandments and abided in His love (John 15:10).
Therefore, perhaps the most important questions to ask myself at the end of each day are these: Am I being conformed to the image of Christ? Am I becoming more like Jesus today?